If you ever listen to the River (the Christian radio station), then I’m sure you’ve heard Zach Williams song, Fear Is a Liar. I must admit, I wasn’t a huge fan of it at first but I think it was mainly because I was impartial to the beat/rhythm of the somber sound of the song. But then there was one day I truly listened to the words and wow… is there really anything truer than those words? Hats off to you, Zach Williams. The first verse says this:
“When he told you you’re not good enough
When he told you you’re not right
When he told you you’re not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you’re not worthy
When he told you you’re not loved
When he told you you’re not beautiful
That you’ll never be enough”
So, maybe you can’t relate to all of these but I think everyone can relate to at least one. Or maybe you can relate to all of them. Regardless, they all go back to FEAR. There is so much to fear in life but as a Christian, we are told, “Do not be afraid” because “He will never leave you nor forsake you.” But ugh… that’s SO NOT EASY. I love this song though because to me it’s a constant reminder that I’m not alone in my fear and that it is a LIAR.
Let’s get into some real talk, about fear. I have things I fear daily. Some small and insignificant and others that seem gargantuan. Am I going to forget to water the plants and kill them all? Not complete my list of “to-do’s” around the house? Miss one of Kai’s appointments in the busyness of life? Will I get into a car accident driving to the store?Taking care of my fur-baby who continues to get older and closer to the end. Life decisions like quitting my steady job as a teacher and starting a new business. Staying home most of the time taking care of our son. Will I lose my sanity staying home taking care of our son? Financial burdens, will we have enough money? TIME! Do I have enough time to do everything I want and need to do in a day? Am I making the right decisions in life, overall? And how about public speaking!? Oh that’s the worst… and then I was asked to do it. In front of my entire church at all three services, two Sundays ago on July 8. WHAT!? Talk about an overwhelming feeling of fear.
Danny and I recently started helping out at our church, Westerville Christian Church, on our missions board. We have two international mission trips coming up in 2019 that we are planning and we needed to have an announcement made during service to promote more interest in the congregation to sign up for these trips. So, guess who was nominated to make the announcement? You guessed it! And then to make things even scarier, whoever made the announcement had to pray over the offering. Um, no. I’m barely brave enough to pray out loud at dinner in front of just my husband. (I’ve gotten better at it, I must say) But I accepted the challenge and figured this was God saying “Oh well Amber, I don’t care if you’re scared, do it!” Plus, I kept hearing Zach Williams song ALL OF THE TIME. Coincidence? I think not. So, the chorus goes like this:
“Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar”
The morning of July 8, I arrived at church prepared with a prayer and notes for my announcement, all ready to go. I met the producer and sat in the back with the worship group, all people who I had never met (besides sweet Marybeth, thank God for one familiar face) as my stomach turned thinking about getting up in front of everyone. Zach Williams was right, fear will stop you in your tracks and take your breath. The worship slowly came to an end and it was about time for me to go on stage. Then I did. I read my prayer and began to make my announcement, getting flustered looking at my notes, the projection screen and my pastor looking at me sitting directly in the front row. Guys, I butchered it. I completely forgot my train of thought, couldn’t think of the word hurricane, HURRICANE of all things, and then ended up stopping and saying sorry! I walked off stage thinking, I CANNOT do this two more times. But then I reminded myself that fear is a huge liar and that I can do this! So I said a quick prayer, sat through the entire first service with my pastor and after he said something so encouraging to me, “the most important thing is that you did it.” That resonated.
I categorized this post as a “triumph” because I feel that’s what it was! I got back on that stage at the second service, ditched the notes that totally made me overthink and was just myself. And I rocked it! It was night and day and I was ecstatic. The third service at that point was a piece of cake and I am so glad that I didn’t let fear continue to control me. You know, it worked out in this instance but I am really challenged to not let the fear take over when it’s regarding Kai. I constantly fear that with his challenges he will always be behind developmentally, maybe never able to see clearly, to talk or even walk. But then I hear Zach Williams again, “He will rob your rest, steal your happiness.” And I refuse to let him take that from me and from our family. In the meantime, I’ll just keep casting my fear in the fire and pushing forward.
More about Kai to come. Remember, it’s okay to be “unfine”.